This woman (read: bovine) has incurred my wrath by incessantly uploading pictures of herself on Facebook in the most shameless manner possible. What she needs is a burkha. Really. Please invest in one. If anyone needs it, it truly is you.
Let us begin with one of the less offensive pictures:
I hope you enjoyed that grope because I sure as hell hope no dude would want those legs anywhere near him. This goes beyond water retention. Way beyond…To the point where you can stick a straw into that leg and suck water out of it in the desert. Jeans are the answer. Even tights would be less traumatizing, but have some courtesy for others and cover those beefy stumps up for the benefit of society. Nobody should be subjected to the sight of your horrible tree trunks unless you are actively trying to tempt a cannibal.
As for this, what can I say? If Minnie Mouse looked like this, she would kill herself. STOP WEARING SLEEVELESS TOPS. STOP IT! Your arms could knock an unsuspecting child out! Add to that the fact that this top is actually quite fitting. Do you not see that gut in the mirror? No, it’s not a tummy or a belly…It is a full-on gut! There are pictures of her in tops through which you can see that gut, but even I am not cruel enough to make the rest of you look at them.
This just takes the cake. I had no idea you acted in “Happy Feet”. There are so many things wrong with this picture that my head hurts. Physically. Violently. From the bright pink which begs the analogy to Miss Piggy, to the provocative look which makes me a bit gaggy. The horror. The horror.
And now, for the pictures which have no business being taken, let alone put on the internet:
Really? Did they not kick you off the beach for indecency? Do you not own a mirror? I could feed half of Ethiopia with that sack of fat you call a stomach. There is a reason they still create 1-piece bathing suits…I believe YOU are that very reason. This is horrifying. Nevermind a bathing suit. You might want to look into a rather large t-shirt. Or just avoid swimming at all. Especially if this is your idea of appropriate beachwear for yourself.
And as they say, birds of a feather flock together.
Holy mother of God! Please girls, do us all a favour and refrain from going to the beach
ever again. You may be mistaken for beached whales. This is like an ad for weight loss
pills:
“Want that bikini body but can’t shake the excess weight? Try our pills and get your
dream body in no time!”
Darling Prabbie. All I can say is this: Put down the bottle of vodka and that 12-pack of donuts and go drink some water instead. Clubbing is not exercise, get on the fucking treadmill. You will be doing the world a favour.
